An Exercise in Absurdity

This is a writing exercise. But a fun one. And one totally made up by me.


You are stranded on a deserted island. Think Treasure Island, Lost, Gulliver's Travels, Five on a Treasure Island or whatever floats your boat. You can be on your own, with a group of friends or a loyal monkey. It doesn't matter, you get to make it up. BUT you have to include at least three of the following characteristics:

• A cave complete with treasure chests and chained skeletons.
• Zombies.
• A super-villain's secret lair. (Volcano optional)
• A shipwreck.
• A castle.
• A native tribe who collect shrunken heads.
• Robot monkeys.
• Alligators/Crocodiles which have evolved to have wings. (It could happen)
• Pirates.
• A haunted burial ground.
• Amelia Earhart.
• A crashed spaceship (with or without aliens)

Sounds like an awesome story already, right? So get writing. I will also write a story and post it on here later. If you guys wanna send me your stories let me know in the comment box below and I'll give you my email address. 

Happy writing

Finally, My Name in Lights!

Well, in size twelve Times New Roman at least. Seems like they were fresh out of halogen lights at the time of print. Still, I WON! I totally won! *dances around room with glee* And, my other story on the website has 98 likes, which makes it the most popular story on there.


So, THANK YOU. You guys are totally awesome. If you have any feedback, or any ideas about what you think I should write, please let me know.


But, I'm getting off topic. You can read my winning story here. If you enjoy it click the little blue heart at the bottom. If you don't enjoy it then I'm afraid we can't be friends. Again, please let me know what you think. Also, please read the other stories on the website if you have the time. 


You can  download an anthology of the Five Stop Stories here for only £2.05. (A bargain, yes?) This includes my earlier story and many other fantastic tales. (At this point I feel obliged to say that I do not like Kindles. I'm a bookseller, and booksellers and Kindles are not compatible. A bookseller promoting a Kindle would be like an environmentalist driving a 4x4; wrong on so many levels.) But, if you do have a *cough* Kindle, please do download the anthology.


Anyways, I promise to be back soon.


Thanks for reading.

Medusa

So, for Halloween I dressed as Medusa.

I looked like this: 

Anyways, as I was getting into character I remembered that in my second year at uni I wrote a piece of flash fiction about Medusa. I also wrote a poem... the first and last poem I have ever written. I'll share the flash fiction but to prevent blushes and extreme embarrassment the poem will remain hidden.

I’m infamous. I am a curse, a witch, a gorgon, a monster. My name is Medusa. You should be scared.

I’m an old hag with a grudge to payback. Starting with Athena, who gave me my halo of snakes. Then Poseidon to follow, make him suffer for rape. Finally Perseus; the conquering hero. Who disturbed my slumbers and sliced off my head. Revenge is my dish, and I’m serving it cold.

I used to be beautiful. With hair tumbling down to the softest of flesh. Two handfuls of tits; and the icing on top? Red painted lips and come-to-bed eyes. I’m going to hurt them, in penance for their sins.

I’m not Midas, I haven’t fingers of gold. I’m no Rapunzel, my Prince doesn’t wait. Instead I have a halo of snakes and eyes full of stone. I’m bitter, I’m twisted, I’m fucked up inside. 

[A WARNING: STEAL MY WORDS AND I WILL CUT OUT YOUR TONGUE]

So my next project is turning this into a proper story... not sure how successful it will be, but I'm up for giving it a go.

See ya later alligator!

PS. However hard I tried I didn't manage to turn anyone to stone. Next time maybe.

I Fully Intended to Post on a Weekly Basis

But of course that hasn't happened.


Although, I have been very busy. I've moved house, been working full time and am still without a decent Internet connection.. So I'm writing this in a shed masquerading as an office and my fingers are so cold they've gone numb and may be in imminent danger of dropping off to adorn the keyboard to accompany the dead flies and crumbs. (They aren't really dead flies... that would be gross. But there are crumbs which look to be from biscuits- possibly even hobnobs which are the best kind of biscuits in existence.) Writing has kinda fallen by the wayside for the moment which is bad I know, but I have managed one short story which I submitted to a competition.


I also signed up for nanowrimo and distinguished myself by not writing a single word. But there's still time *snorts with derision* actually, I'm writing off (geddit) this month for being productive and writing lots of words, but I am setting myself a personal target of 5000 words a month. That may not be much, but that's a damn sight more than what I'm doing at the moment. It is easy to make excuses as to why I haven't been writing, but harder to understand why I've been justifying not doing something I enjoy so much.


I have been reading a lot (as always) and recently finished Joe Abercrombie's First Law Trilogy. I'm not a big fantasy reader, but I LOVED this epic trilogy. I thought the characters were fantastic and the writing was very real. They were the kind of books which made you feel that if you concentrated hard enough you'd fall right into the story. I thoroughly recommend them, whether you are a fantasy reader or not.


I'd like to thank everybody who has taken the time to read my short story on fivestopstory and who has liked it on the site. At the moment 'Zumba' is the most popular story on the site, and that is so fantastic and so encouraging.


Till next time,

Something I've written.

Well, this is awkward. You came here expecting something witty and intelligent, and instead you get this. But read on, my friend, read on, for things can only get better.

Recently I entered a competition called 'The Five Stop Story' where the aim of the game is to write a short piece of between 1000-3000 words. This means that most people write about 2000-2500- for those who can write a short story of only a 1000 words, I salute you. The theme was Betrayal, and luckily enough I already had the bones of a story sloshing around in my head. 

So, around 2000 words later, and several glasses of wine, I had 2000 words which just about made sense, so I sent it off. I submitted it at pretty much the last moment because I am very bad at self-discipline when it comes to writing. I'm going to quote Douglas Adams here, because I think he sums it up perfectly: "I love deadlines- I love the whooshing sound they make as they go by." (If you do not know who Douglas Adams is check out this vintage BBC link, then order The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Also, crawl out from under that rock you've been hiding under.)  After sending it in, I promptly forgot about it. This is a self-preservation thing, because the best way to not be disappointed that your work of art has not been recognised as being pure perfection in a competition is to completely forget that you've sent it in.

And then I received a lovely email saying I had been chosen for an Honorary Mention. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have won, but being recognised as having written something that people actually enjoy reading is pretty damn awesome.

So, if you'd like to check out something I've written please go here.

If you enjoy it, please click the like button at the bottom of the page. If you don't feel free to spit on your computer screen in disgust. I'm very open to constructive criticism, so feel free to comment and let me know what you think. Also, please check out the other stories on the site, and if you are a member of the apple cult, download the app for free.

That's all folks.